Thoughts after working all night...

A lot has been on my mind lately... In addition to the impatience to take state boards and finally be an RN.. and the deep desire to move to HCF. Mother and I were over there wondering through empty houses again. The devastation over my deeply desired townhouse has still not subsided but I will eventually somehow move over there... that's the hope that I hold on too. In spite of all those housing and graduation feelings... something deeper has been brewing inside of me. I think it started back in October when I was at Holden Beach and has continued but has continued slowly. I remember sitting on the rooftop porch looking at all the stars... being able to see the Milky Way... and talking to God... just really talking to Him for the first time in a long time... After that I started going to church again.. although rather sporadic... I have been trying to attend and plan to make it a regular event. I think that my roots are starting to come back out in me. I think that I separated myself from them because I couldn't grasp who or what I was... then when I stepped away... I couldn't catch sight of it anymore... it was like I was not able to find that person that I was for so long. This may make no sense at all but I'm trying here.

I think that what I'm trying to say... is that I want to be able to cling to God... and cling to that faith that I was raised to have. Without God there is no hope. I see people with no faith... and I wonder what they hold on too. What is it that gives them hope and peace. I don't want to live a hopeless life with no hope of eternity and nothing to cling on too. I want that faith. I think at my clinical test that I truly experienced God's presence with me. It gave me a peace and calm that I wouldn't have otherwise had. Plus, the fact that I had Blessed Assurance running through my head the whole time I was there. That had to be God.

I used to talk about being stuck in a mud hole on the narrow road and then I think I took a detour way off the narrow path... but I think I am slowly making my way back. I want that faith that I had when I was 14 when I was willing to give it all up to be a missionary to Ecuador. I want my future to be God's and I want Him to direct my path... no matter where it leads.

J.


Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
angels descending bring from above
echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, all is at rest;
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
watching and waiting, looking above,
filled with his goodness, lost in his love.

This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.